Let me!

What is worse?

Is it wanting to scream out your agony,

or not being allowed to scream it out?

My aunt slithers into my bedroom and asks,

“Dear, did you just break up with your boyfriend? My sympathies”

I wonder if i gave out an impression of being a person,

who is desperately seeking sympathy.

I apologize for making you uncomfortable in my space Aunt,

while I was mourning over my Grandma’s death.

My other aunt comes upright and says,

“You did not speak to any of your guests, which is rude.”

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t handle that he(grandpa) isn’t with us anymore.”

“We are supposed to move on, that’s what people do.” She said.

Forget freedom of speech, I wanted freedom to feel.

To feel pain, agony, melancholy, trauma, grief,

and not be judged even as much of a minuscule by that.

I wanted to say, “ Thanks for your sincere concern,

which I left in the pile at the doorstep,

while I entered to swim in my ocean,

An ocean where I don’t actually mind drowning,

Here, survival is not the key.”

So ya, forgive me for being so weak,

forgive me for avoiding you people,

as i was too cowardly to show my sad face,

forgive the system for not teaching you

to be okay about negative emotions,

forgive me for admitting that I was sad,

forgive me I didn’t have the retaliation power that you posses.

forgive me I am too weak to be strong.

forgive me I took a long time to return,

but I wont change, I wish to be myself,

Weak or strong, Labeled as per your judgments,

I just want to swim, for as long as i wish,

Even If I’d drown or die, please let me!

©️ Pavithra Sridhar, 2019